This past week has been a whirlwind. One of the biggest opportunities, thus far, in my life was on the horizon. Last November, I was given the opportunity to open up for the Newsboys. We had so much fun and I was able to host some friends in my hometown the weekend of the concert. But this post isn’t about that. That same day, I was extended an invitation to open up for Mercy Me at the Alamodome in San Antonio. This was HUGE. This wasn’t just a big opportunity because of the venue and platform that the Lord was opening up to me, but because of the amount of souls, and warfare, that I would encounter along the way. I don’t want to focus on the concert itself because, well…we were cancelled lol** (you can see why at the bottom of the post). What I do want to focus on is the journey leading up to and after the cancellation.
YOUR BEST YES!
Some of you are probably wondering what this means. Let me share…
Some people think that we just say yes to the Lord as certain things arise in our lives. That we only say “yes or no” to God in terms of opportunities or an area of tension/conflict, etc. Or even that we just say yes to Salvation and that’s it. But I think for me it, in the past, has been all of those things. However, in this case it has gone deeper. My yes wasn’t just saying yes to the opportunity, it was to the potential, resounding “No”. In this case, I was a little afraid to announce this opportunity. I had this feeling that it wasn’t true or going to happen, even in the days leading up to the event. In hindsight, I believe that was the Lord just preparing my heart. The truth is it was real, very real. I’ve got receipts lol, but it turned out to become what I had feared. (Sidenote: Fear is a very real and powerful thing , and I believe that we have the ability to place word curses on the promises of God with the doubt in our hearts and the words that spring forth from it. But that’s a different blog post.) It was just very surreal. I believe that this “yes” was my response and heart’s posture to the Lord. That even if everything fell through, He was still and still is, sovereign. I mean we prepared an amazing set and left room for intentional spontaneity. It would have been really exciting to be able to sing. I prayed and warred against the enemy, I felt the weight of the atmosphere and was able to intercede. I dealt with warfare on a level that attacks my gifting and identity and overcame. I battled for this event and it didn’t happened.
So what am I saying, what’s does all this mean in the grand scheme of things? I mean my Naysayers and those who secretly doubted are probably saying “I knew it” “It was too good to be true” “I told you so” etcetera etcetera; and, I have to deal with all that too (well not really deal with them, cause they don’t matter, but the lies the enemy will tell.) But the warfare and thoughts are still there and I’m still battling the enemy, as expected. What I’m saying is that when I said Yes to God for this call, I said yes to it all, to everything. The good, unpleasant, extreme spiritual warfare, the disappointments, the judgment, ALL OF THE NOs that will come with this. I said yes to it all. I told the Lord that I would keep my hands open and not latch on to anything He gives, leaving room for Him to give and FREELY take away without my backlash at him for doing so. I said Yes. Notice the period after that sentence? There is no explanation, justification, or anything else required. Yes and No are complete sentences (Matthew 5:37). You have to ask yourself if that is the case for you? Are you willing to look like a fool for Christ, to walk into spaces others may not understand? To respond with grace, love and kindness, and still worship the Lord through it all with a PURE heart? Are you willing? Are you Ready? This is the best “Yes” I think I have ever given my Heavenly Father, and I’m shocked a little that my response was so immediate and so deliberate. Me not opening for them was ok. I was fine. I was more concerned about my band and those that stopped their lives and bought tickets to support me. But I was good, I am good. After the news, I worshipped, full force with a grateful heart that He even trusted me with that opportunity. That is and will always be my best “Yes”. What’s yours?
GOD’S BEST NO.
Ok, so I’m speaking not from God’s point of view, but that of a daughter and how it applies to me. His best no for me, is saying “no”, period. HE. IS. SOVEREIGN. He knows what’s best for us. He doesn’t say no to keep good things from us. He’s our Father and desires good things for his children. His “no” is protection, grace, mercy, and love. It’s kind, gentle, and perfect. His “no” comes with A LOT of YES. And I believe our response to the “no” is what determines if we are ready for more.
This experience taught me more from the” no” than it did had I actually opened for Mercy Me. To me, this was a testing of my heart’s posture and how active I am and how well I handle the warfare that comes with this type of platform. Listen, we have to be aware of the enemy and his tactics, we have to know how to fight; and, that come with exposure to warfare, not protection from it. The Lord will protect us and teach us as much as we are willing to grow and learn. The bigger the platform, the bigger the demons and their attack. This applies not only to us and our thought patterns or actions; but, also our families, our friends, our faith, etc. Are we ready? Can God trust us with more? This is what I learned. I loved this lesson. I loved being ok with what happened. I told the Lord, if this was it, I would be fine, and I was. Regardless of the fact that I want to do this more frequently or that this is my dream, if it’s not what He has I will be fine. Because He is sovereign and He loves me. And my worship is not limited to platforms. Platforms receive the overflow from what I do at home as a daughter of the most high King, a wife, a mother, and everything after that. If my children aren’t worshipping and don’t know the Lord, I don’t need a platform. If my husband is disrespected, unloved, and not first in my marriage, I don’t need a platform. If my heart is not postured before God to submit, learn, and grow through the hardships of life and relationships that bring forth sanctification through repentance (cause let’s face it, none of us are perfect), I do not need a platform. Period. That is my ministry first, all else fails if my home and personal life are trash. Thank God it’s not. And my oldest child understands and worships at 2 years old, my marriage continues to grow day by day, and I strive to be my best repentant self as I can with the strength the Lord gives me (and that which I seek from him). I’m vulnerable and open to the Lord.
So. I thank the Lord for this “No”. And I regard the next “yes” in the same way. And Yes! Another door, the same day, was opened. Probably a little bigger than the last… and I cannot wait to share this news with everyone when I am released to do so. Until then, I thank God for trusting and choosing me, and for my husband, family, and friends for supporting me and walking this journey with me. It’s going to be a beautiful one.
**The reason why the openers were cancelled is because the concert time on Saturday had to be pushed back due to unforeseen circumstances that I’m not sure if I can share. This ultimately pushed back their time of arrival on Sunday and we were left with no time for the band to set up to be able to minister our set. I am so grateful for Mercy Me and their Team and pray that the rest of the tour goes amazing, and that the Lord continues to cover them and keep them safe as they fulfill the great commission with worship. I’m honored at the opportunity to be on the same stage and truly thankful.